Happy Birthday to Me!

Jun 2, 2015


WHQR - Happy Birthday to Me!

June 2, 2015

Last week, I turned the big 5-0 . . . less horrifying than hitting the Big 2-0-0 but that's another story ...I should have been better prepared because last month, after dying my hair a lovely shade of Clairol Espresso, when checking out at Harris Teeter, I was offered the senior discount.

When you turn 50, your mailbox makes all kinds of new friends....like the membership card from AARP who brings his friends from Blue Cross Blue Shield with the ultimate birthday present....an invitation to experience your first colonoscopy. Well whoop-di-do! I will not be sending a thank you note!

According the the television, there are lots of new after-50 medical conditions I can now look forward to...every time I see that Shingles commercial . . . I know they are looking straight at me...

And failing eyesight might be a blessing. I won't be as traumatized by the onslaught of whiskers...my own personal version of 50 shades of gray.

As the man in the cartoon says..."So When did you first start to feel you were getting old?” and the other says..."When my overactive libido and my underactive bladder switched places.” Oh this will be great!

I can't abide the assault of “yes ma’am” being said to me so I am in a mess.

But Julia Child didn’t write her first cookbook until age 50 and Ray Kroc didn't built his McDonald's brand until 52...so l still have time to get something done...up until this milestone, my greatest accomplishment was not snatching my two children baldheaded. And that was a very difficult accomplishment! But then again...maybe my life has been a success...l've never twerked, taken a selfie or starred in my own Mugshot...

On advice from my more seasoned friends, I've decided to just look on the bright side, they say that 50 is the new 30.....I’m just hoping that 185 pounds is the new 135 pounds!!!