Meg Flaming is a mom of four — but only two of them are her biological kids; 10 years ago, she and her husband got into fostering.
"These kids need a stable home, a loving home. They need to have a mom that shows up, a dad that shows up, even siblings that show up," she said.
There are 176 children in foster care in New Hanover County, but there are just 57 licensed foster homes. That’s down from 97 homes in 2019. Many foster parents stopped serving during the COVID-19 pandemic, according to Christy Thompson, who works in New Hanover County’s foster care program.
"People let their licenses lapse, we had less people interested in becoming foster parents,” Thompson explained. That’s been a challenge, but her staff has worked hard to make things work. "So when we had twice the number of foster homes, we had twice as many foster kids as well. So we still absolutely need more foster homes, but we also are doing a wonderful job of finding permanence and getting children home so they're not staying in foster care.”
The county has reduced its caseload through permanency: that’s when a foster youth is placed in a more permanent home. The shift is impressive: in December of 2019, there were 357 children in foster care. In December of 2025, there were just 188.
Permanency can be a placement with a blood relative, a return to their biological parents, or getting a long-term placement or adoption with a foster family.
A state policy change in 2023 helped make it easier for those blood relatives to take in kids — those are called kinship placements. Thompson said one of the biggest barriers is money, and now family members can get some of that financial help.
"Relatives can receive kinship assistance [now]. It used to be relatives who had kids placed in their home, they didn't receive any financial assistance for that," Thompson said.
Thompson said those kinship placements don't require the same amount of training as foster families, and their kinship payments are half of what a foster family would get. But it's made a noticeable difference.
The percentage of foster kids in kinship placement has ticked up slightly in the years since that change, and last year they made up 44% of placements.
There's still a need for more families, though.
Alice Moore is the Foster Care Licensing Supervisor for New Hanover, and wants to get a lot more calls.
"I would love to have umpteen foster families in every school district so that we had more choices for kids so that they could stay in their home school districts," she said.
Foster families can also help kids find permanency — like Flaming did when she adopted two of her foster kids. She said the process of getting licensed took several months. But once it was all said and done, things moved fast.
"They called us to say, you're licensed, and we have a child we would like to bring to your home today! Which is how it can happen for a lot of people," Flaming said.
That first placement was hard, she says: there was a learning curve.
“They're entering your home and your schedule, and that's 100% not what they're used to. And I think some of the in hindsight, some of the challenges was like, I mean, bedtime is always a challenge, but they're in there and they maybe haven't slept in the bed. Or, like they maybe haven't slept by themselves in the bed," she said.
And it was really hard to let that first child go, two months later, she said.
"The main thing we hear from a lot of people is like, Oh, I could never do it, because it would be so hard to give them back. And then I like to say, well, that's why you would be perfect for this, because kids need attachment like you should love them, like your own kids," she said.
Flaming and her husband ended up adopting two siblings — their second and third placements. They’ve stepped back from the rotating placements in recent years since their children are busy with extracurricular activities in middle and high school — instead offering respite care, which lets them give other foster families short breaks.
But she continues to advocate for more families — in her church and elsewhere — to take up the cause.
"It's such a gift to be able to do this in community," she said. "We've started a group for foster, adoptive families, and so we're meeting monthly. It's what it's kind of morphed into now, but it's really great to enter a room, and you don't really have to explain yourself like you're already understood, you're already seen.”
You can be single and become a foster parent. You can do it whether or not you have other children in the home.
Claire Rolquin is currently training to become a foster parent after reaching out in November. Some of her family members were shocked about it. They asked her how she'd handle fostering with a full-time job.
"But when I kind of explained to them, 'no, there's resources, and there are tons of single foster parents. I wouldn't be the first one, and I won't be the last.' So I think that kind of calmed their nerves once I started answering their questions," she said.
Her virtual classes are twice a week for just over a month, and they teach her about how the system works, who'll be her points of contact, and how she might interact with the legal system.
"But also simple things, like parenting strategies, which honestly is not simple, and also like safe sleep we learned about last week, and as a first-time mom in general, this is all super helpful information to know," Rolquin said.
Rolquin is stepping in to fill a big need. She's hoping to start with a baby or toddler when she gets started — and foster families can set parameters about how many, what age, and what gender of kids they're comfortable accepting.
There's a need for kids of all ages, but Thompson said foster teens are hard to place, because they tend to get bad rap. But she says her social workers know their teens, and can match youths with the right home.
"We will always need foster homes for teenagers, I would always say to people, it's my favorite age group. They're wonderful. They're just like watching people just flourish into who they are and who they can be with that support in place," she said.
Thompson wants to see more families step up and offer those teens — and kids of all ages — the stability they need to thrive. It takes trainings, a background check, home visits, and some financial stability, but many people qualify to serve.
To learn more about how to become a foster parent, go to nhcgov.com/foster.
