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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. If you want more WAIT WAIT in your week, head over to @waitwait on Twitter and @waitwaitnpr on Instagram where maybe - just maybe - if we are lucky, you will like something.

Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

DAN ENGELHART: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

ENGELHART: This is Dan Engelhart in Albuquerque.

SAGAL: Hey. How are things in Albuquerque?

ENGELHART: Pretty awesome.

SAGAL: Well, that's great to hear. Well, what do you do there?

ENGELHART: I'm a scientist.

SAGAL: Oh. What kind of science are you doing?

ENGELHART: I'm a space weather scientist.

SAGAL: You mean weather in space?

ENGELHART: Well, you know, all the weather we have here on Earth has been filtered through our magnetosphere.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ENGELHART: Once you've about passed the magnetosphere, there is actually a lot of weather. And nobody appreciates the magnetosphere enough.

SAGAL: That's true.

JOEL KIM BOOSTER: I've always said that.

SAGAL: So, everybody, appreciate the magnetosphere...

ENGELHART: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...One of the least-appreciated spheres.

ENGELHART: Amen,

SAGAL: Amen. Daniel, welcome to the show. Now, Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to play?

ENGELHART: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: For this house in Vermont that's for sale, the mortgage includes funds for bail. An abandoned old wing is a tiny Sing Sing. Yes, the listing includes an old...

SAGAL: Jail.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: If you're looking to buy a house, a new listing in Vermont boasts a beautiful home with four bedrooms, an abandoned prison and all updated appliances. According to the realtor, the house used to function as the prison for Essex County and can now function as a prison for all your weird fetishes. The prison is complete with jail cells, barred windows, prison toilets and a full cast of quirky female characters with compelling and diverse back stories. It's a perfect spot for homeowners looking for a nice place to raise children and console them through endless bouts of nightmares.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Daniel. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: My fabric's supposed to get wet. As it wicks, a small voltage I'll get. With the armpits alone, I can power my phone as I harvest the power of...

ENGELHART: Sweat.

SAGAL: Right...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Sweat.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Thanks to a scientific breakthrough, we can now use human sweat to produce electricity, which means that one guy who used to bike to work all the time will never have to worry about charging his phone. According to the scientists behind the process, the moisture in your sweat can be converted into energy, which could power your smart devices. But at that point, they will be known as your gross devices.

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, that's - I don't know.

KURTIS: (Laughter).

DICKINSON: So it's in the fabric?

SAGAL: My understanding is it has to do with the fact that it has salt in it, sweat.

DICKINSON: You would have to sweat a lot...

SAGAL: A lot.

DICKINSON: ...For that...

SAGAL: Yes.

DICKINSON: ...To work out.

KIM BOOSTER: A SoulCycle class could power a whole city.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's true. Though exciting, the research is still in its infancy, I should say. Scientists are still doing beta testing with the help of a man on a Tinder date that is not going well.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: While pursuing my chores and my tasks, daytime drinking I'm trying to mask. When I'm outside and hot or I'm inside and not, I will take a quick shot from my...

ENGELHART: Flask.

SAGAL: Yes...

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Flask.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Flasks, otherwise known as your dad's that's not a toy, have risen in popularity since the pandemic. Online vendors have noticed a huge increase in sales, which no one will ever fact-check because it makes perfect sense. Flasks are perfect for, say, socially distant park gatherings and a great portable way to tell your friends, worry about me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, the thing is, you used to only - you used to be able to pop into a bar when you wanted to drink, but during coronavirus, you only pop into a bar when you want coronavirus. So more people are carrying flasks with them everywhere - on walks and on walks. Basically, the only thing you can do is walks.

MAEVE HIGGINS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: But with flasks, you can turn that boring walk into a thrilling stagger.

HIGGINS: (Laughter).

DICKINSON: My Aunt Millie (ph) used to carry, like, one of those Big Gulp cups around with a straw on it.

SAGAL: That's the classy way.

DICKINSON: We knew.

SAGAL: Yeah.

DICKINSON: We knew it was not a Big Gulp.

KIM BOOSTER: (Laughter).

HIGGINS: But I just think it's kind of, like, self-sufficient, you know, to bring your alcohol around with you and to just tap out every now and then.

SAGAL: What do you mean tap out?

HIGGINS: I mean I'm drunk right now, Peter.

SAGAL: Oh, OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Daniel do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Daniel is fast and very accurate. He's perfect with his score.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Daniel. Well done.

ENGELHART: Thank you, guys. I love the show.

SAGAL: Take care. Bye-bye.

HIGGINS: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.